Dear Wife, You Are Not God To Your Husband

How many wives have experienced it? Your husband makes a bad choice, or habitually makes bad choices, and people end up blaming you for it?

“What kind of wife lets her husband…?”

“How can you allow your husband to do…?”

“How can you be okay with him doing…?”

The truth is that as a wife you cannot control your husband’s actions, and it’s also not your responsibility to do so. A wife doesn’t “let” or “allow” her husband to do anything, he is responsible for his own decision making. The husband is the head of his household and should therefore live as such. We cannot control the next person’s behaviour, whether that person is our spouse or our child, and we need to let go of the need to control others. We put unnecessary pressure on ourselves and in many cases, we cause our own anxiety issues by trying to control things that are not for us to control.

• You are your husband’s helper, not his mother. Release yourself from the need to take responsibility for his sinful behaviour.
• Your role in his life is to help him live out his purpose, not to help him discover his purpose.
• A husband should fear God and be able to hear and obey the Holy Spirit. If he does not fear God, does not pursue holiness and lives in rebellion towards God Himself, how will he listen to you?

I know I’ve definitely felt inferior as a wife at times because of ungodly behaviour my husband displayed. What really got to me, though, was when I would reach out to leaders in my church who when I explained the situation, would ask me “How often are you praying for your husband?” As if my prayers – or lack of thereof – for my husband was responsible for his sin. As if I somehow wasn’t doing enough to prevent his sinful behaviour. As if it was my responsibility to make sure he didn’t sin.  As wives we have the biggest influence over our husbands, but we cannot force anything on them.

If you are reading this and you are a wife who is dealing with a husband who sins habitually {not referring to a husband who is not saved as that is something completely different}, know that I am praying for you. I am praying for peace in your heart and above all, that God’s will be done in your husband’s heart and life. Realise that you are not God to your husband. It’s not your responsibility to convince him of anything and you cannot change his heart. Allow God to do what He needs to do in your husband’s life – you continue to pray, seek the Lord and obey His Word.

And now let me speak to the wives. Be devoted to your own husbands, so that even if some of them do not obey the Word of God, your kind conduct may win them over without you saying a thing. For when they observe your pure, godly life before God, it will impact them deeply. Let your true beauty come from your inner personality, not a focus on the external. For lasting beauty comes from a gentle and peaceful spirit, which is precious in God’s sight and is much more important than the outward adornment of elaborate hair, jewelry, and fine clothes.

• 1 Peter 3 v 1-4 (TPT)